Gamble of life
by KazeRogue
Summary: Is reality fixed, or can it be replaced, changed? Is the future destined to happen or is it what we fight for? When life deals you your cards, do you play them without resistance, or do you dare to gamble...?
1. Gamble of life part 1

X - Men fanfic : Gamble of life  
By KazeRogue   
  
Disclaimer: All Characters except Robin and Ian belong to Marvel, but sometimes I don't like, what they do with them! That's why I wrote this fanfic. I'm not earning any money with it (pity), so don't sue me! I decided to start this chapter with a songtext. It's 'If I could turn back time' by Cher (by HER, not by ME, I'm not earning any money of this song either!!!! Lawd, Ah hate disclaimers!), because I think it fits in this one.  
  
Note: I come from Germany, so it's very hard for me, to write a story in English. So please excuse the style. I sent this story to my friend Cat (I don't have a homepage myself). I hope, she'll correct some of my mistakes. Thanks, Cat :)  
Okay, lets start with the story. It's set after #350. I hope you'll enjoy it.  
Comments to: KazeRogue@hotmail.com, flames to someone else.  
Words in * * are thoughts.   
  
  
Gamble of life  
  
Chapter 1  
  
_Cher: If I could turn back time  
  
If I could turn back time  
If I could find a way  
I'd take back all the words that have hurt you  
And you'd stay  
I don't know why I did the things I did  
I don't know why I said the things I said  
Pride's like a knife, it can cut deep inside  
Words are like weapons, they wound sometimes  
  
I didn't really mean to hurt you  
I didn't wanna see you go  
I know I made you cry  
But baby  
  
If I could turn back time  
If I could find a way  
I'd take back all the words that have hurt you  
And you'd stay  
If I could reach the stars  
I'd give them all to you  
Then you'd love me, love me like you used to do  
If I could turn back time  
  
My world was shattered  
I was torn apart  
Like someone took a knife  
And drove it deep in my heart  
When you walked out that door  
I swore I didn't care  
But I lost everything darling  
Then and there  
  
Too strong to tell you I was sorry  
Too proud to tell you I was wrong  
I know that I was blind  
And darling  
If I could turn back time ..._  
  
  
  
Rogue sat on the roof. Since Gambit had returned from Antarctica, she felt a bit 'uneasy' in the X-Mansion. Both of them made big efforts to not meet too often, but the memory of her behavior towards him in the Antarctica was always on her mind. And her bad conscience was eating her up.   
  
She couldn't remember why she had been so furious that she had condemned the man she loved. She had the feeling, that she had been out of her body on that damned day at the trial. Like a guest in her own mind, who had no control of what she had said and done.  
  
But that wasn't an excuse for her behavior, so she didn't dare to look in Remy's eyes. And he didn't seem to have any interest in meeting her either.  
  
Rogue sighed and watched the sun set on the horizon. The roof was the only place in the X-Mansion, where she could get some space and peace.   
  
Suddenly, she heard somebody open the window beneath her. She winced and turned around to face the disturber. When she saw reddish brown hair, she winced again. Remy. The handsome face showed up between the window frame and he swung his legs outside. When he looked up and his mysterious red on black eyes met her emerald ones, he stiffened. He looked down at her with a stony face.  
  
"Sorry. Didn't wanta disturb ya."  
"Nevah mind, sugah. Ah was about to leave raht now."  
  
She gently rose in the air and flew towards the setting sun. Her auburn hair glowed like fire in the reddish golden light.  
  
Remy watched her leaving with painful eyes. His heart constricted when he remembered her cold behavior towards him since he came back home. Home? He has always been a restless thief, nowhere at home. That had changed when he had joined the X-Men.   
  
But was the X-Mansion his home? No! But why had he returned there? For the same reason he had stayed there, which wasn't his nature. Rogue. Always Rogue. Since he had first met her, since he had fallen in love with her, his home was where she was.  
  
She was the only good thing in his life, without her, he was nothing. And now, she has left him. Her image in Antarctica, when she had condemned him, came to his mind. He shuddered.  
  
He knew, he hadn't deserved her forgiveness, he hadn't deserved that wonderful woman. He wasn't good enough for her, and she had always been too ignorant to realize that, to realize that he was a 'real bad guy'.  
  
But the trial had changed that. Now, she knew him, and that meant, she hated him. He realized that whenever they met. He sighed again and sat down on the roof, his head buried in his hands.  
  
*Mebbe it's time for dat ol' cajun ta move on.*  
  
  
********  
  
Rogue tried to fight down the tears. She couldn't bear his cold behavior towards her. That terrible way he had looked at her with narrowed eyes. She had betrayed him. She had sworn him her eternal love, and then she had rejected him.   
  
Bitterness and self-hatred rose in her. Her eyes were flooded with tears. She lost her balance and tried to keep herself in the air, but failed. Blind of tears, she crashed into a tree and fell down through several branches and twigs.  
  
She landed on her back and groaned.  
  
"Damn."  
  
She stood up, leaned against the tree she just had crashed into and buried her head in her hands.  
  
"You okay, kid?"  
  
Rogue winced and hurried to wipe away the tears.  
  
"Yeah, Logan. Ah'm fine."  
  
The short Canadian watched her skeptically and looked her hardly in the eyes. Rogue felt the tears return and broke down sobbing, sliding down at the tree she just had leaned against.  
  
She sat on the floor, arms wrapped around her legs, forehead resting on her knees.  
  
Logan sat down next to her and tried to comfort her, to calm her. Rogue knew, that he hadn't appreciated her decision in Antarctica to leave Remy there. Logan had forgiven the Cajun his sins in the past as soon as he had realized, that gumbo regretted them.  
  
Rogue lifted her head.  
  
"Logan, Ah need ta talk 'bout what happened in Antarctica."  
  
  
*****************  
  
  
Remy stood in front of his wardrobe and threw his clothes in the duffel bag on his bed. He walked around in his room and searched for things he might had forgotten. His glance fell on the framed picture of him and Rogue on his bedside table. He slowly sat down on his bed, the picture in his hand.   
  
It showed them both in happier times: They stood in front of the X-Mansion, wide smiles on their faces. She leaned her head against his shoulder, and he glanced down at her, his eyes full of love.   
  
Remy sighed, put the picture at the top of his clothes and shut the bag.  
  
*Time ta realize dat dese days are over.*  
  
  
****************  
  
  
Rogue had finished her story, and sat now very quiet, looking at her feet. Logan broke the silence and sighed:  
  
"Well, kid, nice story. But what are yer gonna do now?"  
  
Rogue glared at him confused.  
  
"What do ya mean?"  
  
"Well, gumbo don't look very happy 'round here anymore. Ya know, you're his only salvation, the only one that could make him forget his past. Give him back your love, and you'll give him back his life."  
  
Rogue glanced at him incredulous.  
  
"No", she whispered. "How could Ah pretend nothing happened. It's nevah gonna be lahk it was."  
  
She stood up, tears in her eyes, and rose in the air. "NEVAH!", she yelled, and - disappeared.  
  
Logan sighed again, turned around and walked towards the mansion. He was just about to enter, when he heard the sound of a Harley. He turned around again to see Gambit sitting on his motorcycle, a duffel bag on his back. Logan headed towards him.  
  
"Hey, gumbo. Wanna go for a ride?"  
  
Gambit turned around to face him. Logan shuddered at the sight of his painful face.  
  
"Non, mon ami. T'ink it's time fer me ta move on. Left a letter fer de ot'ers."  
  
"And what about Rogue?"  
  
Remy winced and the look on his face became even more painful.  
  
"Well, don't t'ink de femme's gonna mourn fer me, hein?!"  
  
"I don't think so. I had a little conversation with her. Maybe it's time for you two to sort some things out."  
  
  
*********************  
  
  
Rogue threw herself on her bed and sobbed loudly. She grabbed her teddy bear and hugged it.  
  
*Logan just doesn't understand. How could Ah dare ta look Remy in the eyes aftah what Ah said and didin Antarctica?*  
  
After some more tears, she made a decision. She had to leave the X-Men. It just wasn't fair to force Remy to live in the mansion with her. She stood up, opened her wardrobe and pulled out her clothes. All of them landed in a great mess on her bed - and next to it - but she didn't care.   
  
When her wardrobe was empty, she walked towards her shelf. Her glance fell on the framed picture of Remy and her, that stood there. It was the same that stood on his bedside table. She took it in her hands and slid to the ground, the picture pressing to her chest.   
  
As she sat on the floor, uncontrollable sobbing and crying, she heard a gentle knock on the door. She decided to ignore it. But whoever stood outside her room, he wouldn't give up.  
  
"Go away!", she yelled. "Ah don't wanna see no one."   
  
She heard fainting footsteps and continued her crying and sobbing till there were no more tears to shed.  
  
  
*******************  
  
  
Remy walked out of the mansion and slammed the door shut. He was seething with rage, mixed with sadness. The way she had rejected him when he had stood in front of her door, wanting to talk to her for the very last time, made him want to crunch some heads. Especially an auburn / white one. But he knew, how angry he may be, he could never do anything that harms her, he loved her too much. Desperately, he punched his fist against the wall of the mansion and leaned his forehead against it.  
  
*Why de hell is dat femme so cold towards me?*  
  
He sighed and shook his head. Well, at least that strengthens his decision to leave. Firmly, he got on his Harley, started up the engine and drove out of the mansion - ground, trying to ignore the tears that flooded his eyes.  
  
  
**********************  
  
  
Rogue sniffed. She had calmed down and decided that it was about time to talk with Remy, to sort some things out. But she knew, she wasn't able to restart their relationship. Too many things had happened in the past. But she could offer him a friendship. Platonic, of course. She took a deep breath and walked out of her room. Downstairs in the hall, she met Logan.   
  
"Hi sugah. Have ya seen Remy?"  
  
"I thought he was with ya. He wanted to talk to you."  
  
*Oh mah gawd. It had been Remy knocking on mah door. And Ah rejected him once again. Good work, Roguie!*  
  
Without another word, she ran out of the mansion to search for him, Logan followed her.   
  
"His Harley has disappeared. So gumbo decided to leave the X-Men."  
  
Rogue's face turned white. "No", she whispered.   
  
"Maybe you can still catch him if you hurry."  
  
Rogue didn't listen. Desperately she stared into space, unable to move or to think about anything but that Remy had left her. Logan growled and extended his claws in front of her face. Rogue winced in shock and stepped back, eyes wide.  
  
"So you're listening now, kid, aren't ya?"  
  
Rogue nodded slowly. Eyes still wide. Logan sighed.  
  
"Well, gumbo can't be far yet. If ya hurry, ya can still catch him. It's up to YOU now. Bring him back."  
  
Rogue stared at him and realized that he was right. Tears flooded her eyes as she gently rose in the air, although she had thought her eyes ought to be as dry as the desert after all the tears she had shed recently.   
  
"Thank ya, Logan.", she whispered. Then she flew towards the street, where she could probably find the love of her life.   
  
Logan watched her until she had disappeared. Then he turned around and headed for the mansion. "Kids!", he growled as he did so.  
  
  
*****************************  
  
  
Rogue was desperate. She flew high above Salem Center, but she couldn't see Remy nowhere. She didn't even know the direction he headed to. Then, she came to a junction and landed in front of the street sign. Which direction should she choose?   
  
Well, it was a gamble, and she had lived long enough together with the Cajun and had absorbed enough of his mind to be a gambler! She remembered an evening when the X-Men had played Poker.  
  
It hadn't been one of her luckiest days, so she had opted out soon, like most of the others. At least, only Remy and Sam 'Cannonball' Gutherie had remained. Remy had worn his coldest stoniest Pokerface, and even she hadn't been able to read beyond this facade. Sam had taken two new cards and by the glow in his eyes, Rogue had realized that these two cards had been good ones.   
  
Remy's turn. He had taken only one new card, but he hadn't even looked at it. Everyone had looked at this card, that had lain face-down and untouched on the table, and hold his breath. Remy had just stared in Sam's eyes and ignored the card. Weird!   
  
By the time, Sam had gotten more and more nervous, until he suddenly had shouted: "Take this damned card." Remy's answer had been easy: "Nope." "Well, your problem. But how do ya wanna top my 'full house' with a card you don't even know?", Sam had said and lain down two kings and three queens. With a grin, he had grabbed the chips that had lain on the middle of the table, but Remy had held his arm before he could have bagged them.   
  
"One moment, mon ami. De game ain't yet over." He had leaned back in his chair and had looked at the three cards in his hand. He had taken the first one, always holding Sam's glance, and had thrown it slowly on the table. Ten of spades. Even more slowly, the next one had followed. Jack of spades. Then, queen of spades. Remy added the fourth, king of spades.   
  
Everyone had held his breath and had stared at the last, untouched card in front of Remy. The Cajun had taken it, with closed eyes. He had lifted it in front of his face, The others had only been able to see it's back. Tension rose in the room. Then, Remy had opened his eyes and had glared on the remaining card in his hands. He had had sighed and his chin had fallen down on his chest.   
  
Everyone else in the room had sighed, too. Suddenly he had looked up, so that his mysterious red-on-black eyes had met Rogue's emerald ones. Rogue had realized a spark in the corner of his eye. Then, he had grinned and thrown the remaining card on the table. Ace of spades! Everyone had been shocked, but nobody had dared to ask Remy how he had done this, not even Rogue or Storm. It had always remained his secret.   
  
Rogue didn't even notice that she smiled while remembering this evening. *Weird!* , she thought. Then she remembered that she had to solve a problem. She looked up to the street sign again and frowned. She hated decisions. She closed her eyes again.  
  
*Okay, imagine ya're a Cajun on yoah Harley. Ya left yoah home and ya're wonderin' whatta do. Which direction would ya choose?*  
  
Rogue smiled and opened her eyes. Her glance fell on the sign again and she chose the direction she thought Remy would choose. She rose in the air and speeded away like a rocket.  
  
  
**********************  
  
  
Remy was deep in thoughts. Maybe that's not very good when you're driving 130 mph, but he didn't care. Not anymore. Images of Rogue flooded his mind and told the development of their relationship. Images, where she was loving towards him and images, where she was... well, not as loving towards him. He was so distracted by the memories that he didn't realize the auburn/white haired flying girl, that approached from behind.   
  
But he did so as soon as she had doubled him and landed in front of him, blocking his way. He hardly managed to brake soon enough to not crash into her. His front wheel smoked as it stopped a few inches in front of Rogue's slender legs. Remy got off his Harley angrily.   
  
"Es-tu folle? I could've hurt ya, girl!"  
  
He stared at her and Rogue saw anger in his eyes. But she also saw his fear, fear to hurt her.  
  
*He is worried 'bout me. That's a good sign*, she thought, walked over to his Harley and lifted it from the floor.   
  
"What do ya t'ink ya're doin' 'ere, chère?", Remy said while grabbing her arm. Rogue turned around and glared at him, an unreadable expression on her face.   
  
"Time ta talk, sugah", she said, wheeled the Harley to a meadow next to the road and leaned it against a tree. Remy had no other choice but following her.  
  
*Women!!!*, he thought enervated.  
  
Rogue sat on the grass, waiting. Remy stopped in front of her and stared her in the eyes.   
  
"Well?", he asked, losing patience.   
  
Rogue sighed and tapped on the floor next to her. Remy sat down there and watched her. She thought a few seconds, searching for the right words, then started:  
"Well, uhm... Actually, Ah wanted ta... ta talk 'bout what happened between us recently. Ah... Ah think there's no reason why y'all should leave the X-Men. Because... because that's something between us, the others ain't concerned."  
  
Remy still watched her. The whole time, while she had spoken, struggling for words, she hadn't dared to look him in the eyes. And now, she looked at her feet, waiting for him to say something. But he said nothing, his glance fixed on her profile, lost in thoughts (/pensive). After a few minutes, Rogue pulled herself together and looked up to face him.   
  
"Well, whattaya think?", she asked, raising an eyebrow at the sight of his thoughtful, dreaming state. He seemed to wake up and looked her in the eyes, seeming to search something inside of them.  
  
"I t'ink dat I don' belong ta de X-Men any longer."  
  
Rogue's mouth fell open. "What are y'all saying? Of course y'all are an X-Men! Y'all fought with us the last years. Yoah past is yoah past, neither yoah present nor yoah future. Lawd knows Ah did some bad things when Ah was young, too. But Ah changed sides, lahk y'all."  
  
Remy smiled sadly, thinking about her words. His past hasn't been the major reason for his leaving, but Rogue. But now, she talked to him again. He knew that it wouldn't ever be the same again between them, but he also knew, that he still loved her, would always do.  
  
"Bien, chère, I will come home wit' ya."  
  
They both grinned at each other till they realized that there was still something to sort out, their relationship. Both of them looked down at the floor again, not knowing what to say. Rogue knew it was up to her to start.  
  
"Remy?", she said with a shy voice. He looked up. "Friends?", she extended her right hand and looked at him uncertainly. He looked her hard in the eyes and Rogue felt nervousness rising inside of her at the sight of his scaring red-on-black eyes. Suddenly he grinned and took her hand in his right one. "Sure t'ing , chère."  
  
Rogue sighed relieved and smiled at him. Remy looked at his watch.  
  
"Well, chère, if we wanna be at home for dinner, we have ta hurry."  
  
When they drove back to the X-Mansion on the Harley, they both thought about how the situation had changed - improved!!!- since that morning. Maybe it wasn't perfect, but it was a start.   
  
  
- ENDING CHAPTER 1 -  
  



	2. Gamble of life part 2

Gamble of life  
chapter two  
  
by KazeRogue  
  
Disclaimer: None of this, except for the art and the story, is mine, it's Marvel's  
Note: Thanks to Ana for her comments about chapter 1. She kinda reminded me of 'gamble', and I finally realized that 'child of death' isn't the only story that is waiting to be written :)  
I know, I'm a lazy, doughnut munching couch potato, that is more eager to read than to write fanfics. I'm sorry that this chapter took so long :)  
My sincerest thanks also to Michi-chan, who helped me typewrite this chapter and made great contributions to improve the style :)  
  
  
  
  
  
"All X-Men report to the War Room!" Cyclop's voice yelled through the intercom. Remy winced and nearly dropped his breakfast.  
  
"Could anyone PLEASE tell Cyke ta calm down or switch off de intercom?"  
  
Rogue grinned and turned the volume of the com down to a bearable measure.  
  
"Merci, Roguie, ya saved dis cajun's life!"  
  
"Oh, really?" an evil grin appeared on her face and she turned the volume fully on. Unluckily Cyclops repeated the order at this moment and he yelled even louder. When the ringing in his ears had stopped, Remy glanced at Rogue angrily. He took a cornflake, charged it with kinetic energy and snipped it over to her. Rogue dodged it easily, but Bishop, who had just entered the kitchen, didn't. The charged flake landed straight in his face, exploding with a tiny cloud of smoke.  
  
"Oops, je suis désolé, mon ami." Gambit lifted his hands in a defensive way when Bishop's face became more and more sinister and angry. Rogue took a few steps back to get out of the danger zone when he slowly walked towards the Cajun. Suddenly he stopped and looked down at Remy.  
  
"Cyclops called us to the War Room. I wanted to pick you up."  
  
Then, he turned around and walked out of the kitchen, rubbing the place on his nose where the flake had hit it.  
  
  
  
Rogue slouched in her seat in the blackbird and looked out of the window.  
  
*Great, another one of these fantastic missions where we have to fight some supervillainous mutant who threatens humankind. And what will happen? After risking our lives we'll see some news on TV about the outlaw mutant gang called X-Men, who caused trouble again.*  
  
She growled disgusted. Suddenly she felt a hand on her shoulder and jerked up.  
  
"Easy, chère. 'S jus' me. I happened ta notice ya're a bit uneasy 'bout de mission, aren't ya? What's wrong, chère?"  
  
Rogue looked up at Remy and her emerald eyes met his red-on-black ones. It should be up to her to cheer him up. She remembered very well Cyke's gaze when he had informed the team about the upcoming fight against Sinister. Ever since Remy's dark secrets concerning Essex had been revealed at the so-called trial, Cyclops had been untrustful towards the cajun. And Remy had very well noticed that Scott considered him to be an additional, unnecessary risk to the mission. As if he would turn his back to the X-Men - after years of fighting side by side with them, the group where the guys were, that mattered most to him - to rejoin Sinister's Marauders. But Scott had never liked Gambit, so he was most likely to think the worst of him. And he would observe Remy's every step during the mission to ensure his loyalty towards the X-Men. Rogue knew this annoyed her cajun teammate. But nonetheless he was there to cheer her up. Rogue smiled at him to show she appreciated his care for her.   
  
"Nothing, shugah. Ah'm just a bit tired of those 'villain shows up, we show up, villain's defeated'- missions."  
  
Gambit grinned wickedly.  
  
"Would ya prefer a 'villain shows up, we show up, we're defeated'-mission?"  
  
She had to laugh.  
  
"Well, at least that would be something new."  
  
They both laughed out loud, till tears flooded their eyes, and their bad mood had disappeared.  
  
"Now, now, my dear fellow teammates. We're heading for a very serious mission. May I ask you why you're laughing while danger, probable injuries, or worse, a bad TV program awaits us?"  
  
Hank McCoy aka the Beast peeked over the backrest of Rogue's seat. He grinned at his two teammates, showing that he appreciated a bit fun in their all to serious lives. Especially when two of his teammates were concerned, who had very little to laugh about recently. But before any of them could respond to Hank's teasing, Cyclops turned around saying:  
  
"Okay, let's move! Storm and her team will check the lab and make sure that the files are save. My team will deal with the Marauders. Stop them from getting into the lab at any costs."  
  
  
  
Rogue let the hot water trickle down her body. She yawned and closed her eyes. The mission had been like she had predicted. It had been easy for them to defeat the Marauders - since Sabretooth hadn't been with them this time - and they had secured the computer files concerning the Legacy Virus. Nom she was tired and every muscle in her body was tense and ached. She stepped out of the shower, wrapped in a towel, not caring that water still dripped from her wet hair.  
In her bedroom she started to dry her hair with a towel and closed her eyes, trying to relax.  
  
pic:Roguetowel  
  
*What's wrong with me? Ah nevah felt so entirely tired and indifferent. It seems ta me that Ah'll nevah get rid of that somber mood again.*  
  
She sat down on the windowsill and watched the sunset. She saw her reflection in the glass of the window and wondered when she had become *this*. She saw the fatigue in her features and the obvious depressive mood in her face.  
Rogue remembered her childhood. When she had been a little girl, she had been full of energy, with bright, brilliant eyes and a clever mind. But especially she had been a dreamer.   
She remembered her mother telling her fairy tales about heroes and beautiful women. They always had had to fight very hard, but in the 'Happy End' every struggle had been forgotten.   
She remembered herself looking out of the window and dreaming of her knight in shining armor, that would protect her and momma from daddy when he was drunk. Dreaming of her heroe thet would never let anyone harm her and prevent the other kids from calling her freak because of her unusually colored hair. Instead, he would make them play with her and be her friends.  
She has had one friend, Cody, but that one wouldn't have stood up for her. His momma hasn't liked her and had forbidden her son to be her friend.   
Rogue remembered.  
She remembered the day Cody had broken the rules to meet her. And kiss her. She remembered too well her powers manifesting themselves for the first time and she remembered Cody falling into a coma. She had been older then, not dreaming of her knight anymore. But of Prince Charming. Even after the Cody Robbins incident, she had hoped for her prince to come and rescue her. Take her away from the people in Caldecott calling her a vampire freak, who drains the life out of people. Take her away from her mother accusing her of causing her daddy to rage and hurt. Take her away from her mother sobbing and excusing for her harsh words. Take her away from her once beautiful and kind, now broken mother not being able to take the pain anymore and committing suicide. Take her away from pain and hurt.  
But her prince hadn't shown up, and she had made her was herself. And even more pain and hurt had awaited her. But whatever had happened to her, no matter how desperate she had been, she had always believed in her prince to come and taker her to a better life. Since she had been a child, she had believed in magic. And in that magical emotion called 'True Love'. In spite of her powers, in spite of her crimes, she had always believed that there was a little amount of magic in the world, that was supposed to lead her to her true love, to luck and happiness, to a better life where nothing and no one would harm her. Once she had thought she had found it in Remy.  
Rogue looked at her reflection with disgust twisting her face. Magic! She wondered how she could have ever been so naive.  
  
  
  
Remy moaned while he put on his uniform. These continuous battles annoyed him. He preferred a show in big style with a spectacular final, not little struggles spread over weeks. Essex and his petty Marauders were really getting on his nerves.  
  
*An' de same goes fer de ot'ers. Never seen Roguie so tired.*  
  
He pushed the thought away. Rogue occupied his thoughts too much already, but as someone who had had to learn early to survive, he knew he'd better concentrate on the mission now. Distraction could cost him his life. Sinister wasn't a merciful one.   
He went to the War Room without knowing what kind of trouble the Marauders caused this time. He was late. Scott had already finished his speech   
  
*Lucky me* Remy thought grinning  
  
The X-Men were already about to leave for the Hangar Bay when Scott held him back  
  
"Gambit, you're late. Storm'll inform you about the details of the mission."  
  
Cyclops looked at him accusingly and Remy hurried to catch up to his friend.  
  
"Bonjour, Stormy. So what's on today's schedule?"  
  
"First, don't call me that ridiculous name. Second, we're heading to an empty warehouse. We're suspecting that Sinister hosts a lab there, where he stores his files concerning the Legacy Virus. We'll go in, copy his files and come back. I would be glad if we could solve the problem with him once and for all."  
  
Remy glanced at her surprised. Ororo Munroe had always been a rather peaceful person, who estimated high every living being. It worried him that she even thought about using rather radical measures to stop Sinister. The stress had to be nagging at her as well as at him.   
  
They reached the blackbird and everyone took his seat. It was unusually quiet during the flight. Remy sat next to Rogue, but the southern belle seemed far away in thoughts. She seemed tired and depressive again, but Remy himself wasn't in the mood to cheer someone up either, not today. As he watched her profile, he was nearly overwhelmed by the emotions and thoughts of the last few days. He still loved her, but he had no hope to reconcile with her. How could she love somebody like him? He had committed too many crimes. The Morlock Massacre was entirely his fault and he hated himself for it. He didn't deserve her love, but he had deserved her words in Antarctica. He didn't know why she had offered him her friendship, but maybe that was part of his punishment. Seeing her every day, being near her and far away at the same time, reaching out to her with his heart, but knowing that he'll never have her love again was even harder than leaving her.   
  
Remy jerked up when Cyclops yelled his orders. They had arrived at the warehouse and the fight was near at hand. Again, Remy told himself to concentrate on the mission.  
  
  
  
The X-Men entered the warehouse and stopped when they found it dark and empty. Everyone looked around confused, then Logan motioned for them to be quiet and stand still. He laid down on the floor and pressed his ear to the ground. Then he looked at his teammates and pointed down to show them, where their enemies hid. Cyclops motioned silently for them to find ways down, and everyone started to search.  
Gambit went straight to a wall and started to palpate it. He grinned mirthlessly, when he heard a soft 'click' and the wall moved slightly to one side, giving him entrance to a dark passage, that was behind the wall. His experiences with Sinister served him at least one time for a good thing. He winked at the others to show them the hidden access to the sublevel lab. They assembled in front of the hole in the wall and entered it.   
After a few minutes the passage ended in a coven with a cylindrical hole in it's middle. Light emanated from that hole and the X-men went to the edge to look down. About twenty yards below was the lab, where Sinister was working at the moment. The Marauders slouched on the floor and were obviously bored.   
The team assembled in silence and Cyclops motioned for them to attack. Rogue flew to Gambit and grabbed him while the other X-men with the ability to fly, whether caused by wings, the control over the weather or telekinesis, took care of their remaining teammates. They flew down, ready to attack the surprised Marauders.  
A terrible fight broke out and especially Logan fought with berserker fury. He immediately caught the attention of Sabretooth and their eternal fight went to another round. The other Marauders were no amateurs either and were immediately fighting back with a force that could make one doubt that they've been taken by surprise. But the X-men were prepared and willing to defeat them and soon it was obvious that they would achieve this goal.  
Sinister stood beside and watched the triumph of his enemies emotionlessly. Suddenly something like a grin came to his face and he slowly walked towards a box that stood in the corner of his lab. He took out a weapon nearly half as big as a man and far more deadly. It reminded a bit of Bishop's plasma rifles and, like them, seemed a bit alien and in the wrong place - or rather time. Essex pushed a button and a security shield appeared around him. He charged the weapon and called out for the fight to stop.  
  
"X-men," he said with a loud voice, "one blast of this weapon can rip you apart easily. Leave my lab now, or you'll never leave it again!"  
  
Cyclops answer was an optic blast, but because of the security shield it couldn't even tickle the geneticist.  
Sinister smiled devilishly and pulled the trigger. He had aimed at Rogue who was nearest to him and stood uncovered. She was airborne and could easily evade the blast, but it hit the wall behind her and a piece of concrete took the X-woman down. Sinister aimed at her again, obviously relishing the very moment.  
Remy's heart stopped when he saw the scene unfold in front of him. Rogue was slowly getting up, still dizzy from the former impact and certainly wouldn't manage to evade a second blast.  
Remy saw Sinister moving his finger towards the trigger like in slow-move. All he could think was that another blast would harm Rogue. HIS Rogue. He screamed her name, but he couldn't hear his own voice, only his rushing blood. He ran towards her, but his legs didn't seem to belong to his body. He was too slow, he knew that, but he could just hope that Sinister was even slower.   
Rogue's eyes fluttered up, her beautiful emerald eyes, and met his ones, confusion written all over her face. She wasn't aware of the situation, the danger, she was in. Remy felt his heart reach out to her and repeated his mantra to not be too late over and over in his head.   
When he had diminished the distance between them to a few yards, he leapt. His own perception was still alien to him, as if he would move through viscid syrup. But then he felt Rogue's shoulders in his grip and her body moving out of Sinister's firing line with him. he heard a peculiar noise, like a plasma blast would sound in slow-move, but all he could feel was joy, when he saw Rogue unharmed and protected by his body. Then came the agony.  
  
  
  
Storm couldn't believe what she was seeing. The second blast from Sinister's evil weapon had brushed Gambit's back while he was protecting Rogue. Now, his body laid sprawled on the floor of the lab. Ororo prayed to the Bright Lady that her cajun teammate was just unconscious. She saw how Rogue tried to sit up in spite of the numbness her former encounter with concrete had caused her. She saw how the expression of the southern X-woman changed from dizziness to disbelief and finally desperation as she saw Gambit's lifeless form on the floor. She saw her lips move slightly but couldn't hear if she was saying something.   
Cyclop's voice snatched her out of her numbness.  
  
"X-men! Retreat!"  
  
Storm called for the powers that have caused her codename and demanded the winds to carry Remy's motionless body to the hole in the ceiling. In the corner of her eye she saw Logan pull Rogue to her feet. She was still apathetic and stumbled several times when he dragged her out of the lab.  
  
  
  
Rogue sat in the infirmary, her gaze locked on Remy's pale, lifeless face. Hank was examining him, but the frown on his forehead already told his teammate that he had nothing good to say when he finally was finished.  
  
"Luckily Gambit wasn't fully hit by the blast, but even so, there's not much I can do for him..."  
  
Rogue heard a strangled scream from the door, where Storm was standing, but she couldn't avert her eyes from Remy's still form. She couldn't feel anything at all, except numbness.  
  
"...so all we can do is hope. I don't understand..." Hank continued and winced at the last word, "...what this weapon did to him. It is as if the very structure of his body has been torn, though there's no visible bruise. I can't think of a way to treat an injury like that. I can only stimulate his immune system and hope it will be enough."  
  
Storm left the room, sobbing, and Jean followed to comfort her. Hank was studying Remy's medical files and left his southern teammate done with her thoughts.   
Rogue's eyes wandered over the Cajun's face as if she wanted to burn every single feature of it into her memory. Like he had burned himself into her soul since the first time she had seen him. Rogue remembered every moment they had spent together. She had once read that ninety nine percent of one's life are daily life. But the remaining one percent, the high and low points, is what defines you as a person and forms your character.   
Beeing an X-men meant having much more than one percent of these times in her life, but even there you could define highs and lows. And Remy had been there - or even caused most of them. Rogue remembered how he had made her feel. Overjoyed when she had thought she'd never feel joy again, and devastated when she had thought that nothing could hurt her anymore. But most of all he had made her love again when she had felt condemned to a loveless life and he had made her feel loved when even she couldn't have loved herself.  
Yes, Remy LeBeau had caused some of the lowest points in her life, but now she realized that he never did it intentionally. She had been devastated when she had found out that he wasn't an angel at all, but now she realized that he had been HER angel all along. He wasn't that knight or Prince Charming, that you recognize immediately because of his shining armor and clean slate, but suddenly Rogue knew that this man in the infirmary bed would try his best to be anything she ever needed or wanted. And she knew what she wanted. She wanted HIM.  
When this realization struck her, she noticed that she had known this all along, but the knowledge had been locked up in her subconsciousness. Now it had worked it's way outside when she had seen her beloved's body lifeless on the floor of Sinister's lab. She had whispered his name then, but it had been as if she had spoken it for the first time.  
After Rogue had absorbed Ms. Marvel, she had often prayed for the saving of her soul, but had stopped when no answer from above had arrived. Now she saw this answer in front of her, and Rogue started to pray again.  
  
  
  
She woke up with a start when the Beast softly touched her shoulder, hoping for the best, but fearing the worst. She still held Gambit's hand, even in sleep she hadn't let go of it. She looked up at Hank McCoy's tired but smiling face.  
  
"I don't know to which gods you prayed, my dear Mississippian mudcake, but make sure to thank them. Our cajun friend is recovering with an unbelievable speed. He will soon wake up."  
  
Rogue's eyes grew wide and her mouth opened, but nothing came out. Several expressions crossed her face and suddenly she ran out of the infirmary, leaving a confused, blue-furred doctor behind.  
  
  
  
Rogue sat on the roof, as always when she was brooding. She didn't know what to feel. Of course she was thankful and relieved that Remy was alright, but she was also anxious to meet him. Having finally gained clarity about her feelings and dealing with them were two entirely different things. She was afraid of meeting Gambit, of looking in his eyes and not seeing love for her anymore. She had done terrible things to him, although he had always been kind to her. Okay, maybe he had 'betrayed' the X-men, by not telling them about his past (although nobody knew everything about HER past, either, but nobody seemed to care), but she had betrayed him and the love they had once shared.  
But nonetheless he had risked his life to save her back in Essex' lab. Did that mean he still loved her? And, if yes, would he still love her after the injuries he had endured because of her?  
When she had arrived at this point, she heard someone open the window behind her. Rogue caught her breath when Remy climbed out. They stared at each other in silence, but then Rogue cleared her throat.  
  
"Uhm...hi!" she said  
  
"Hi." he answered with a peculiar tone in his voice. He was obviously waiting for her to say something.  
  
"Ah'm glad y'all're fine again, Gambit."  
  
"Hank wouldn't lemme go yet. But ya know how much I hate infirmaries."  
  
Rogue answered in the affirmative, then there was silence again. Finally, she pulled herself together and looked right into her former lover's eyes.  
  
"Remy, Ah...uhm...thank ya. Ah mean for pushin' me outta Sinister's fire line. For getting hurt in order ta protect me."  
  
"Ya're welcome" he mumbled, still with this peculiar voice. It seemed that Rogue thanking him wasn't what he had hoped for.  
  
"But why?", Rogue continued with a small voice. "Ah mean, I'm nearly invulnerable, I coulda taken this blast more easily than y'all did. Why did y'all risk yoah life jus' ta spare me a little pain?"  
  
"Mebbe ya don't t'ink very rationally when de woman ya love more dan anyt'ing in de world is concerned." he whispered staring at his feet.  
  
"But Ah... Ah thought y'aa'd hate me after all that Ah've done ta ya."  
  
"Chère, I could never hate you." Remy looked at her with sad eyes. "But I understand it if you hate me. I've done terrible things in my past, ya must consider me a monster."  
  
Rogue felt a sting in her heart when she heard this.  
  
"No, shugah, nevah. The Morlock Massacre wasn't yoah fault. Ya nevah harmed anyone intentionally. Y'all're not responsible foah what happened back then."  
  
A flicker of hope went on in Remy's soul, but it wasn't bright enough to light this doubtful place.  
  
"If ya really t'ink dat way, chère, why was de revelation at de trial enough ta make ya leave me ta die?"  
  
His red on black eyes burned like fire in her soul and she had to avert her emerald ones.  
  
"Ah wasn't mahself back there." she finally whispered. "Ah hadn't only absorbed yoah memories, but also yoah mind and attitude towards the Massacre. Yoah blamed yoahself foah it and Ah absorbed that. Normally Ah can deal with alien emotions flooding mah mind, but in Antarctica Ah couldn't sort out which were mah emotions and which yoah's. Maybe that was because Ah felt hurt and betrayed because y'all hadn't trusted me enough ta tell me first-hand. Ah was so disappointed that an evil villain had to show up to reveal a secret y'all weren't willing to reveal yoahself. And then Ah did what Ah'm best at, Ah flew. Ah locked mahself up in the deepest corner of mah mind, just so Ah wouldn't have ta 'feel' anymore. Ah let yoah absorbed emotions wash over me, not realizing that they washed mah own ones away. Or maybe Ah was just too hurt ta care if they did."  
  
"And now?" Remy asked  
  
"And now Ah realized that Ah've nevah proved mahself very trustworthy ta ya. Ah've turned ya down whenever problems occurred. But nonetheless, y'all offered me back in Seattle ta absorb ya and find out all yoah secrets. Ya gave me thousand 'second chances' when Ah would have let ya down immediately if our roles had been reversed. Ya're the best thing that ever happened ta me, Remy LeBeau, and Ah love ya."  
  
Remy felt tears in his eyes when he pulled her close and promised to never let go of her again.  
  
  
-ending chapter two-  
  
Note: This is just the beginning, so stay tuned!!! The first four parts are just the prelude to the REAL story...  
PS: Sorry, I can't write fighting scenes (-the lab ... ugh)   
  



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